Wow, two weeks apparently flies by, eh? I’m back at home, getting caught up on laundry, emails, bills, and all the lovely things that come with “reality.” I started writing this post on Monday and keep coming back to it, but haven’t really been able to articulate what my time away meant until today.
My two weeks away with the Turkey Land Cove Foundation were such a gift, personally and professionally. I knew the experience would be wonderful as well as challenging, especially since I haven’t been away from my husband for more than a week at a time (and realized I’ve never been alone for more than a weekend). I went with a purpose of designing an ambitious amount of work to prepare for the National Stationery Show – and hoped to be like a designing machine: getting struck by a creative lightning bolt and being able to churn out new product designs, a new wholesale catalog, show give-aways, and the like. When I arrived, I didn’t even realize how burnt out I was from a week’s worth of bookkeeping, found myself creatively stuck in the mud at the beginning, and still dealing with personal issues at home while I was still there. I also didn’t realize how much loneliness can affect your ability to do work, and at times I missed conversation and being able to hug my husband (or my cats!) so badly that it hurt. However, I could feel that I was in a moment of huge personal growth and knew I was there for a reason.
Lately, I’ve approached my work like the way I approach my runs. When it gets tough and you think you can’t keep going, you dig deep and you keep on running. When work piles up and I think I can’t get it all done, I dig deep and put in long days and long hours and get it done. I’ve assumed this is basically the only way to work. However, I realized something important when I was there – that’s not always the right thing to do. When you push yourself again and again, for months and months, to the point where you’re pretty depleted, it’s going to be difficult to get something worthwhile out of your head. I arrived the first night in shock that there was this gorgeous home all to myself, and felt guilty for accepting it. It took me two hours just to sit down in a chair. Once I did, I got straight to work even though both my husband and the director of the program told me to take the first night to settle in. But I felt guilty that I wasn’t “working” and I certainly wasn’t there to vacation – I was there to work! But by the 2nd or 3rd day, I had a bit of a meltdown and after talking to my husband on the phone, he pointed out that I really needed to take a step back. I was second guessing the work that I had already accomplished and wondering if any of my ideas where “good enough,” and he stopped me and made a really good point… When else are you going to have the opportunity to focus on being creative? Just drawing, exploring, and seeing what comes of it? Yes, you have to get a ton of work accomplished, but why not stop worrying and just focus on the quality of work instead of quantity?
The next day, I went out for a bike ride to a local market to pick up a few things. I apparently went past the building I was looking for and way too far into town. I felt like a tourist, silly in my helmet and awkward on a bicycle when I haven’t ridden one in almost 10 years, then had to walk back up to the top of a hill that I had just been flying down. But I composed myself, went back to where I started, and realized the market I was looking for was closed for the winter season. Ha! The entire biking excursion seemed pointless… but it wasn’t. Instead, I then decided to head out towards the ocean and when I got there, I was rewarded with a gorgeous sun low in the sky and the entire beach all to myself to enjoy. When else do you get an entire Martha’s Vineyard beach all to yourself? And why the heck I am telling this story? Because I learned something about how I need to approach my work from now on. By giving myself the chance to mess up and make a mistake, or to be able to step away from my work and enjoy a life experience – it actually allowed me to do more work. It helped to clear the creative road block and the self doubt that I started my retreat with, and I was then more productive. Yes, you always have to dig deep when things get tough, but sometimes that’s not always the only approach – sometimes you have to stop and take a step back and remember you’re not a designing machine, you’re a person and you have to take care of yourself first in order to do good work.
That night and for the rest of my time there, I accomplished so much work. It was like the creative lightning bolt finally struck. My husband was right, and by not worrying so much about getting everything done, I was still able to get a lot of good work done. When I needed feedback on my progress, I called or Skyped with good friends. When I was too distracted, I shut off my cell phone. I took the time to rest and do yoga everyday, but I also worked for hours and hours at a time and accomplished so much there than I would have at home. When the end of my two weeks had finally happened, I had created a wonderful working rhythm and routine. My biggest regret was not asking for three weeks away instead of two, but life happens and you can’t stay away for that long. I feel so blessed to be given that experience, it was amazing and life changing, empowering, and encouraging. To be alone with myself – completely alone for two weeks (I’m still in shock by it) and know what I’m made of and accomplish a lot makes me really happy and really proud. I’ve had a tough time coming back down to reality this week, but I’ll find that flow again. I’ve got a lot of work to accomplish in the next few months for NSS, and I’m really excited to see where all of my original ideas from my grant stay with the Turkey Land Cove Foundation go.
For any information about applying for the TLCF grant, please visit their website. It was an incredible experience and I definitely encourage it if you can go!
{images shown are either from my Instagram or my camera}
