I try to keep this blog as creatively focused as I can, and although sometimes there is a personal post now and then, I try to steer away from that altogether.  When I first began craft lovely, I gave myself the structure of having half of the posts creatively focused and created by me, and then the other half discussing, complimenting, and sharing other creative folk’s work.  I must be honest with myself that lately I have not been keeping this structure lately.  Although I am a big believer in letting things grow and change if that’s their true course of action, I know that I could be putting in more time developing content for craft lovely.

I remember SouleMama discussing on her blog how so many people would comment about her life and family being portrayed as the ideal family, with seemingly no fights between siblings and no frustrations from her little ones.  She explained that yes, they are much like every other family in the world with their ups and downs, but she uses her blog as a place to focus on the good days, the positive moments, the little things that one might pass by and forget due to the hectic life of a parent of four.  Please note, I was not quoting her verbatim just now (*read her blog post if you’d like the actual quote), but her explanation of her blogging makes complete sense to me.  I think a lot of creative bloggers try to focus specifically on the positive – and really, only the positive… me included.  I try to show a good face to the world, that I’m a designer hard at work on multiple projects (including getting my letterpress freelancing off the ground), but this isn’t the entire story I’m sharing.

I’ve thought a lot over the last few weeks about whether or not to share these thoughts on craft lovely, and I keep coming back to this post – I’m taking this as the sign that I need to write about it.  I’m not good about keeping a journal, but I love the intimate nature of blogging and how a reader can allowed to hear the inner goings-on of a person.  Without getting too personal: Life happens.  Life is confusing, heartbreaking, and stressful – all the while wonderful, bittersweet, and amazing.  This is me coming clean and being honest; telling the full story and not just the parts that I’d like to share.

While I have made huge efforts on getting my website designed, I still haven’t finished it.  Although I have a small table top press, I haven’t been able to work on it as much as I had hoped because I can’t afford the materials at the moment, so it waits.  I have a wonderful camera but haven’t taken a photo in over a month.  My sketchbook and inspiration book sit collecting dust.  As much as I’ve dreamed big with goals of being completely self sufficient creatively and financially, I am probably as far away from that place as I’ve ever been.  Bills, debt, anxiety about the present and the future, all work slowly and corrosively, eating away at all the lofty dreams I’ve had and I’ve come to a point where I feel like I need let it all go and be more practical and realistic.  I know it can be done (working for yourself) and it has been done by so many people, but I’m not so sure at times if it can be done by me.  I have a family member who is not well and still doesn’t have a diagnosis, and they are always heavily on my mind; worrying about their current health and happiness, and always worrying about the future and what will happen, and sad to see what this illness has taken from them.  With my personal and family relationships on my shoulders, I feel a responsibility to provide, and I’m feeling that heat especially right now.  I’ve stopped doing all creative work since late spring, because I felt it was more important to focus on “making a buck.”  In a perfect world I’d have the financial means to start my business and have time and the creative drive to make it happen… but life isn’t that easy.  What I’ve realized this past week though is that cutting off my creativity altogether makes me feel horrible.  I’ve felt colorless, blah, and pretty much vacant, like I’m sleep walking through everyday just to get to the next.  What I thought was a “smart” decision has turned out to be the opposite and it’s made me very unhappy.  Typically I try to look for the meaning in everything, to see what “the universe” is trying to tell me and what my gut instinct is saying, but during the last few months I feel like I can’t hear a thing.  But just when I feel like giving up on everything, I’ve gotten the nicest and most sincere feedback from people on craft lovely and in my life.

This post isn’t meant to be glum (I apologize if it is) or scattered (I’m pretty sure it is), but it’s meant to say that I’ve come around to realize I need to be practical and creative, and I need to find that balance.  Creativity is important to life, and this world wouldn’t be as wonderful without it.  Can you imagine what it would be like without original ideas, concepts, books, movies, architecture and the like?  How horribly boring and monotonous.  I can’t just cut my creativity off, but I should incorporate it into my life, however small it may be, till hopefully I can reach a point where it is the driving force of my life.  I want to thank everyone for their support and compliments, and please know that they mean a lot right now.  For the last few months I have felt anger, frustration and disappointment for what life’s been throwing at me lately.  I tell my husband I feel like I’m on a small rowboat alone and out at sea.  But as high as the waves get, you can not stop trying to paddle; and I need to get back to paddling.  I have a small list of goals, not lofty but reasonable and I want to really commit to them.  When I finish those, I’ll work on a few more.  My hope is that with every little step who knows what will happen.

I wanted to come clean and give a fuller picture of who I am as a designer – as a person – to hopefully help me get back to what I want to accomplish.  And to thank you for your readership, and to promise that I am not giving up on craft lovely any time soon and will work on getting back to that 50/50 content promise I originally made.  Life isn’t easy for anyone, but it’s a wonderful thing to have each other to help guide and support each other along the way.

Thank you craft lovely friends and readers!  Wishing you the best of summer weekends.
-Colleen

I’ve been hoping, wishing, and praying for a vacation this summer and this weekend we made reservations!  Although it was too late to book for early August as I had hoped, we’ll be camping in Acadia National Park in late August.  Hey, it’s better late than never.  My husband and I haven’t had an almost week-long getaway in almost 2-3 years.

I cannot put into words how excited I am.

{image shown belongs to shrike1964 from Flickr}

HOORAY!  I’m finally going to the beach today!  Didn’t make it to the beach at all last summer and with it already being July, I realized it’s now or never.  And with this heatwave it will be the perfect day to head to the coast.  The beach is probably one of my top 5 things about summer.  I plan on sunning, swimming, relaxing, reading, and gabbing with a great friend.  Hoping this will be the first of many visits to the beach this summer…

{image shown belongs to Wei Zhang@Hudson from Flickr}

(ADDED: to those interested in the feeder, I bought it from Fosters and Smith!)

{for more of my photos, check out my Flickr}

Eat the best salad on earth (*shown above)
Have picnics
Go to the beach
Eat lots and lots of watermelon
Drink homemade lemonade
Garden with a big floppy hat
Go for hikes
Take late night walks around the neighborhood
Spur of the moment ice cream runs to my favorite place, and drive home with the windows down
Make pizzas on the grill
Listen to “peepers”
Vacation on Cape Cod
Sleep with the windows open
Watch the sunset
Get really excited to hear the ice cream truck (I still do!)
Sit out on the back porch at night with my husband and watch the fireflies
Listen to a thunderstorm
Go to the White Mountains of New Hampshire
Have a summer reading list
Go to my local farm
Drink margaritas
Go camping
Swim often
Get a golden, sun-kissed tan
Eat fresh and in-season strawberries

What are your favorite summer must-do’s?

It’s June.  Wait, what??  How on earth did that happen?  Wasn’t it just March?  If you’re like me, then you cannot believe that literally half of 2010 is already over and in the history books.  There is so, so much that I want to get accomplished for 2010 and I can’t help but feel a little antsy that I only have six months left to get things done.

With the coming of any season I find myself writing goals and to-do’s, but even more so during the summertime.  Firstly because of the reason listed above, but also because it’s my favorite season of the year and there’s so much I want to really soak up the summer months.  I’m constantly trying to find that perfect work-life balance, as well as finding my footing on my creative freelance feet, and it’s been challenging with so much happening in day-to-day life.  Lately there has been much happening in my personal life that has been affecting me accomplishing it all, but I’m hoping to make the small and the large things happen this summer, while enjoying my favorite part of the year to it’s fullest as well.  Here’s a few things on my goal list: personal, creative, large and small…

1.  Go to the beach.  At least once (unlike last year, which was zero) but preferably a few times a month.  I love the beach.
2.  Have lots of picnics.  Lunchtime, dinnertime, anytime I can squeeze them in.
3.  Finally, oh-dear-lordy-lord get my website up.  YES, I’ve been working on it, and yes it will happen (I’m pretty much saying this to myself here).
4.  Read more.  I have a long list of books saved on my Amazon wishlist (from non-fiction to fiction to biographies to memoirs).  Find time to just sit and read (and not before bed when I always fall asleep).  This may sound weird, but I often feel guilty for taking the time to just sit and read… I always feel like I should be busy doing something or working on a project.  I’d like to just relax and read and enjoy it.
5.  Hike on the weekends with the hubby.  Accomplish a few long hikes, 6-10 miles at a time.  We’re walking a charity marathon in September so I’ve gotta get used to the long distances!  Plus, I absolutely love hiking.
6.  Design a few letterpress items and open an Etsy shop…  Or Big Cartel.  Figuring out the pros and cons between the two.
7.  Go camping.  Camp with some friends.  Camp for at least 5 days (hoping for a straight 7) with my husband for my birthday and our anniversary in Acadia.
8.  Run and keep training for a 10K in the late summer or early fall.  Don’t stop exercising the way I normally do in years past (I typically stop during the summer months for some reason).
9.  Plan on doing at least one small craft fair this fall or winter, but I’ve GOT to have numbers 3 & 6 done for this one to happen.  Stop dreaming about it, make it happen!
10.  Bake more often.  This one may sound silly, but I used to bake often and I’ve missed that practice.  I find the methodical measuring and sifting to be very calming and relaxing for me.
11.  Prepare a budget and have a money game plan.  Ugh, this one stresses me out so this is why it continues to sit and wait.  This one is really a priority.
12.  Take that sewing class I’ve for years wanted to take.
13.  Take a digital SLR photography class to better understand my camera and how to use it better.  Wish I could take this one, if only I were closer (or could sneak away for a night to stay in DC and take it).
14.  Start planning and making Christmas gifts now.  No more stressing and last minute gift making during the holiday season this year!
15.  Have summer tea parties.  Eat fresh fruit, ice tea, fresh lemonade, and enjoy yummy treats with friends and family.
16.  Enjoy the smallest of summertime moments, even during a typical boring work day.  A bird at the feeder, a new flower blooming in the garden, a spur-of-the-minute ice cream cone, a gorgeous sunset or breeze.

What would you like to focus on this summer or for the rest of 2010?
- Colleen

While I like to keep craft lovely a place for my and others creative happenings to be discussed, from time to time I do feel the need to say something of importance.  Last night I watched Anderson Cooper from CNN and listened and watched in horror as he reported from a bayou in Louisiana.  This place is very dear to my heart, as my grandfather grew up there, I still have family in Louisiana, and I’ve visited it several times and know first hand and how beautiful and yet fragile it is.  They showed the oil: it was thick as molasses, sloshing against the reeds and plants (who were already brown and dying), and you knew nothing could live in that water… no plants, no animals, no fish.  The fisherman of the Gulf of Mexico are now not allowed to work, and it’s only a matter of time before more people and companies are affected.

They explained how BP is required by law to pay for the clean-up, and yet nothing has been done.  The state politician they had on said they already have people ready and waiting to help but BP hasn’t given them any funding, nor has BP found their own clean up plan or hired help.  This morning on NPR they said the oil has no reached Florida and Alabama, and with hurricane season only weeks away it’s only a matter of time before it spreads even further, killing everything in it’s path.

I feel very helpless to this situation.  What is a person, only one person, suppose to do?  Especially when you live thousands of miles away?  I cannot offer any advice, I’m rather asking for anyone’s suggestions.

A good first step: A best friend sent me this link, which can help you imagine the size of the spill against your hometown… and it is very eye-opening.  Please forward this information with your friends and family, so people understand the seriousness of the situation.  Then, you can email your state senator and tell them about your concern and how action needs to take place immediately.

We’re all in this world together, and we all affect each other and the planet… hopefully we can help one another and come up with a solution for this enormous clean up extremely soon.
- Colleen

Camping was wonderful and although we didn’t get to hike as much as we liked, it made us realize how much we need to go away more often (and not every two years!).  We definitely felt the importance of getting back to nature, slowing down doing things like cooking a simple meal together, enjoying the peacefulness of the woods and birds, and just getting away from it all.  It’s important to take care of yourselves and recharge… something I haven’t done in a while.  We’re already planning another camping trip for August in Acadia National Park (a place where I’ve never been but have always wanted to visit)!

What did you get to do on your weekend?  Hope it was relaxing and recharging for you!

{for more of my outings and experiences photos, check out my Flickr}

(from unruly things)

(from stephaniecb – little birds)

(from Peonies and Polariods)

I hope you have a lovely weekend, especially those of you celebrating Memorial Day here in the States!
- Colleen

{images shown belong to their respective owners listed above}

{for more of my in the garden images, check out my Flickr}